Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Movin on Up

Today was a rather good day.

To start things out right, I went to a job interview and I was super exited about it. I was dressed to impress and ready for success. Not even an hour after I left the interview, I got a phone call and guess what? I GOT THE JOB! I am beyond happy about it. Hopefully, everything goes good, I start in 2 weeks.

Then I went to lunch and shopping with my awesome friends. I don’t care what no one says I love buying things for a dollar. It makes me feel cheap and amazing all at once. I don’t care what is on sale for a dollar, I have to buy it.

Me: You mean this tree branch is only a dollar? Fuckin-A, I’ll take it.

Me: You mean to tell me these plastic pair of socks is only a dollar? Woo-Hoo, I’ve hit the jackpot.

Anyways, the rest of my day I spent relaxing and patting myself on the back for nailing my job interview. Hold on – (pat pat) Okay, I’m back.

So, I think the best part of this is I get to go to my current workplace on Friday and tell these suckers to shove this job up their ass. I love telling people to shove things up their asses.

Moving on…

I am excited to start this new chapter in my life. Also, I am on a mission. I am trying to be a nicer person, yada, yada, yada.

I would like to one day refrain from telling people to shove things up their ass or saying negative things about people or places. I would even like to go as far as not thinking it either. Hmm, definitely something to ponder.

Anyways, I’m sure I will find a happy medium but until I do I’ll continue to enjoy my negative but awesome thoughts. Although, I have to say, today I was a pretty good human being (pat pat).

Until the next time my friends!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

This Little Piggy

I just came to the realization of how much food I actually consume.

Mostly, I don’t keep track of what I am eating but I actually thought about it today and I am a pig.

I think what actually made the light bulb go off is when I was making my yummy in the tummy waffles. All six of them. Now, I understand people get hungry but I seem to eat every half-hour to hour.

I despise diets and exercise. I simply refuse. If you want to, more power to you but I can’t be bothered. With that time I could be cooking something scrumptious.

Maybe that’s why I slightly resemble a beached whale.


Yes folks, I am a fatty boom-ba-latty.

Whatever, it is what it is and I freaking love food.

I love hamburgers and pizza. Ice cream and cookies and I love cakes and pies.


In all seriousness, I don’t understand why sometimes I can’t enough food. No matter what I eat or how often I eat, it simply is not enough. Nothing hits the spot.

When I was younger, I really didn’t care that much. But now that I am getting older, I want to start looking out for my health. I want to be in shape and be healthy for my family. This is so hard to do when you are stuck with these bad habits.

I think I over eat due to many reasons, depression, stress, boredom etc. I try to control it when it gets out of hand, but it doesn’t seem to work. The food always wins. It is a comfort thing I guess.

The best part about this is, as I am writing this, talking about being healthy, I am eating chips and dip.

Ah well.

Bon appetit!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Ya, I said it!

Okay, so I definitely noticed this weekend more so than before that sometimes I can’t stand people. I randomly come across that person who rubs me the wrong way and I wish I could just call them a douche bag to their face. I could do that, but, I am too chicken shit. So I play out the scenario in my mind and it is somewhat satisfying.

If there was a guarantee that I could say or do to people what I wanted without getting punched in the snot locker, I totally would.

I figured I could get some of these thoughts out of my brain and share with you the ignorance that I feel sometimes. This ought to be entertaining. (At least for me anyways)

Scenario 1:
My obsessive compulsive perverted boss is a pain in my ass. There are about 50 cameras in the joint and he constantly watches them, monitoring everybody’s move. I work in a bar/grill and you have to continuously keep it moving. If you even stop to breath he is calling on the phone asking what the hell? I know when there is work to do, I do it. BUT, sometimes things are slow and you’ve already done everything a human could do, so you stand still for a second. Anywho, let’s keep it moving. These are some of the things I would like to say to this jackass.

Me: Oh you would like me to dust your sports memorabilia 10 times in a day? Would you also like me to come and wipe your ass for you?

Me: You want me to make sure all the lights in the stock room are turned off so we can’t see what we are doing? How about, fuck you and your light bill!

Me: Oh you called on the phone and want to know why I sat that person at that particular table, and you want me to move them? How about you quit jerking it while watching the cameras and come in here and seat people yourself, jack wagon.

And we are moving on….

Scenario 2:
I had a 2 guys and a young child come sit in my section on Saturday. They were beyond ridiculous. I assume it was the grandfather (who looked no older than 50). The son (who was around 28-ish) and I assume his child (looked to be around 3 or 4). They were obnoxious as all hell and on my last nerve.

Me to the Grandfather: Why are you drunk as shit in public at 3 in the afternoon with your kid and grandson? Go home.

Me to the son: You look a little out of place, almost like you don’t know who you are or who you want to be. Why are you acting like someone your not. I think you are a little old for this. Get it together. For Shizzle?

Me to the kid: Why are you screaming at the top of your lungs, “GIVE ME MY FOOD, I WANT MY FOOD NOW, I HATE YOU LADY.” Look you little brat, you should learn at a young age this is not the way to talk to people, ESPECIALLY your waitress. You just earned yourself another 10 minute wait. Now shut up!

Me to the son: Hey, while your teaching yourself how to act, you really ought to teach that future felon how to behave in public.

Ahhh, so rejuvenated already.

And were moving on…

Scenario 3:
Lastly, (at least for now) this woman comes in to eat dinner. I understand that you are not in a five star restaurant BUT you are still in public and you are in an environment where people eat their meals. So why are your shoes off and propped up on the table?


Me: How would you like it if someone stuck their foot in your soup? Would that be enjoyable for you? You little pig.

I just noticed that all of my scenarios are about the workplace. Ha. Maybe I am just easily agitated when I am there. Anyways, I am normally not that mean but I swear sometimes people have no common sense and I wish I could be the one to tell them.

I got more where that came from.

This post was pure therapy for me. I feel so much better.

The end.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Case of the Fake People

Why is it that when you finally let your guard down and decide to trust, you get burned? I know some things are trivial but I am talking about the major back stab knife in the heart type of burn.

Yeah, well this has been my problem many times over and frankly, I am sick of it. I am sick of letting people walk all over me and just ignore the fact that this is wrong.

I finally spoke up. I set the few straight and as of now I seem to be free of the lies, drama and upset. Well, as far as I know. At first it didn’t bother me. In fact, I felt free and rejuvenated to rid myself of all this negativity. That sure didn’t last because now all I feel is pain, the mourning over lost friendships which I cared about. Even though I was the one betrayed, I know in my heart that I am not that type of person and I once did care. I still do. I once made the effort in those friendships and I genuinely cared. I think that is why it’s so upsetting.

I feel as almost this is no win situation. Either way you’re screwed. You have only two choices in this matter (at least all I am aware of). Should you sit back and continue to be treated unfairly or do you end the friendship? I chose to end the friendships and now I am not too sure I made the right decision. Although, I know I would not have been satisfied continuing to let myself to be walked on either.

I have always been the type of person who could count my friends on one hand. I’m not talking about people I know and am acquaintances with; I am talking about those true friends. The kind you feel like they will last forever. Maybe this is my fault? Maybe I am just a bad judge of character. Either way this situation sucks. I thought these friendships were different. I guess I thought wrong.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What Do You Want From Me?

Is it too hard to ask for 20 minutes of alone time at night? Apparently it is. Between the motor mouth of a husband and the extremely hyper Chihuahua, I think this is impossible.

Oh help me please get the strength know what? I can't even concentrate with the sound of TV blaring in the background. No this television is not in the same room, no this television is not even on the same floor of the house. This television is on the 1st floor and the volume must be on fifty-fricken-five ARE YOU DEAF? Is this thing on? I can't even hear myself think right now. Lord have mercy on my soul right.

All I would like to do is relax and write a bit but this is very difficult. I simply say, "Dear, Could you please give me a few minutes?" Maybe I am not being clear enough because for the next 20 minutes I have heard, "Will you iron my clothes for work in the morning", "Hey, come here and look at what I did, I made the bed", "Do me a favor and check my Facebook for me." Then he proceeds to scream up the stairs, "BABE, IS THIS BOLOGNA STILL GOOD?" For Christ Sakes I just need a Fucking moment of silence.

Not to mention, the entire time he is interrupting me the damn dog is standing in front of him, guarding him, for no reason at all. Not only does he stand there and stare, he growls the entire time as well. This place is a God damn zoo.

Now that things are starting to quiet down, I've forgotten what I was going to write about in the first place. That is okay, I guess this ranting will do for now. At least I am calming myself down. Not for long though. I can tell you how this will pan out.

My husband will soon fall asleep on the couch watching the loudest TV in the world. How you could even fall asleep to that is beyond me, but anyway, I will try to wake him to come up to bed and the Chihuahua will not have any part of this. He will sprint across the couch and dive towards me trying to bite any part of my body he can get. I will then continue to argue with the asshole dog for 10 minutes; all the while the husband still sleeps.


Since the Chihuahua is on a rampage now, he is upsetting our other dog, the mutt who is 9 yrs old and acts like she’s 50. She now begins to bark just about as loud as that TV.

Now the only sane one in the house, my cat, is upset from all the noise and he comes down and wants to know what the hell is going on? I tell him to mind his business and continue to argue with the Chihuahua. I get tired of arguing and I chose to let the Chihuahua win as usual and I take my ass back up the stairs.

I then get my peace and quiet I have been wanting the entire time and it is time for bed.

Oh well.

The End.