Sunday, October 31, 2010

Ya, I said it!

Okay, so I definitely noticed this weekend more so than before that sometimes I can’t stand people. I randomly come across that person who rubs me the wrong way and I wish I could just call them a douche bag to their face. I could do that, but, I am too chicken shit. So I play out the scenario in my mind and it is somewhat satisfying.

If there was a guarantee that I could say or do to people what I wanted without getting punched in the snot locker, I totally would.

I figured I could get some of these thoughts out of my brain and share with you the ignorance that I feel sometimes. This ought to be entertaining. (At least for me anyways)

Scenario 1:
My obsessive compulsive perverted boss is a pain in my ass. There are about 50 cameras in the joint and he constantly watches them, monitoring everybody’s move. I work in a bar/grill and you have to continuously keep it moving. If you even stop to breath he is calling on the phone asking what the hell? I know when there is work to do, I do it. BUT, sometimes things are slow and you’ve already done everything a human could do, so you stand still for a second. Anywho, let’s keep it moving. These are some of the things I would like to say to this jackass.

Me: Oh you would like me to dust your sports memorabilia 10 times in a day? Would you also like me to come and wipe your ass for you?

Me: You want me to make sure all the lights in the stock room are turned off so we can’t see what we are doing? How about, fuck you and your light bill!

Me: Oh you called on the phone and want to know why I sat that person at that particular table, and you want me to move them? How about you quit jerking it while watching the cameras and come in here and seat people yourself, jack wagon.

And we are moving on….

Scenario 2:
I had a 2 guys and a young child come sit in my section on Saturday. They were beyond ridiculous. I assume it was the grandfather (who looked no older than 50). The son (who was around 28-ish) and I assume his child (looked to be around 3 or 4). They were obnoxious as all hell and on my last nerve.

Me to the Grandfather: Why are you drunk as shit in public at 3 in the afternoon with your kid and grandson? Go home.

Me to the son: You look a little out of place, almost like you don’t know who you are or who you want to be. Why are you acting like someone your not. I think you are a little old for this. Get it together. For Shizzle?

Me to the kid: Why are you screaming at the top of your lungs, “GIVE ME MY FOOD, I WANT MY FOOD NOW, I HATE YOU LADY.” Look you little brat, you should learn at a young age this is not the way to talk to people, ESPECIALLY your waitress. You just earned yourself another 10 minute wait. Now shut up!

Me to the son: Hey, while your teaching yourself how to act, you really ought to teach that future felon how to behave in public.

Ahhh, so rejuvenated already.

And were moving on…

Scenario 3:
Lastly, (at least for now) this woman comes in to eat dinner. I understand that you are not in a five star restaurant BUT you are still in public and you are in an environment where people eat their meals. So why are your shoes off and propped up on the table?


Me: How would you like it if someone stuck their foot in your soup? Would that be enjoyable for you? You little pig.

I just noticed that all of my scenarios are about the workplace. Ha. Maybe I am just easily agitated when I am there. Anyways, I am normally not that mean but I swear sometimes people have no common sense and I wish I could be the one to tell them.

I got more where that came from.

This post was pure therapy for me. I feel so much better.

The end.


  1. Your boss sounds ridiculous! At least you have a place to vent... wouldn't wanna accidentally snap at work, lol. Nice idea for a post!

  2. That cracks me up you guys fought about scrambled eggs. We once fought because he wanted me to brush my teeth...still not sure how that one got out of control, good to know we're not the only ones who fight over stupid crap!!

  3. OH MY GOD..... The woman had her... feet? On the... table?


    Does nobody know common etiquette anymore?! Dear Baby Jesus, please, if there is ever a zombie apocolypse (which there will be), PLEASE let that woman be one of the first to go.

  4. Kill them all. The boss. The kid and the 2 shithead adults. And especially the foot lady, I hate feet.

    I feel no need for common etiquette, sometimes, i don't feel like giving someone a "god bless you" when they sneeze. But feet .. on the table .. while Im eating .. thats one step over the line.

  5. This whole list of douchebaggery at its finest is the reason my faith in people has gone down the crapper.

    And why when the Zombie Apocalypse that Sara mentioned earlier happens, I know who to use as zombie foods.

  6. Wow. I think I'd have to slap someone! We all want to snap sometimes, I'm sure. Thank god we have blogs to do all of our justified venting on!

    I'm right with you on the waitress thing. I hate it when I get super rude customers! I may just have to try this tactic....