Movin on Up

Today was a rather good day.

To start things out right, I went to a job interview and I was super exited about it. I was dressed to impress and ready for success. Not even an hour after I left the interview, I got a phone call and guess what? I GOT THE JOB! I am beyond happy about it. Hopefully, everything goes good, I start in 2 weeks.

Then I went to lunch and shopping with my awesome friends. I don’t care what no one says I love buying things for a dollar. It makes me feel cheap and amazing all at once. I don’t care what is on sale for a dollar, I have to buy it.

Me: You mean this tree branch is only a dollar? Fuckin-A, I’ll take it.

Me: You mean to tell me these plastic pair of socks is only a dollar? Woo-Hoo, I’ve hit the jackpot.

Anyways, the rest of my day I spent relaxing and patting myself on the back for nailing my job interview. Hold on – (pat pat) Okay, I’m back.

So, I think the best part of this is I get to go to my current workplace on Friday and tell these suckers to shove this job up their ass. I love telling people to shove things up their asses.

Moving on…

I am excited to start this new chapter in my life. Also, I am on a mission. I am trying to be a nicer person, yada, yada, yada.

I would like to one day refrain from telling people to shove things up their ass or saying negative things about people or places. I would even like to go as far as not thinking it either. Hmm, definitely something to ponder.

Anyways, I’m sure I will find a happy medium but until I do I’ll continue to enjoy my negative but awesome thoughts. Although, I have to say, today I was a pretty good human being (pat pat).

Until the next time my friends!

This Little Piggy

I just came to the realization of how much food I actually consume.

Mostly, I don’t keep track of what I am eating but I actually thought about it today and I am a pig.

I think what actually made the light bulb go off is when I was making my yummy in the tummy waffles. All six of them. Now, I understand people get hungry but I seem to eat every half-hour to hour.

I despise diets and exercise. I simply refuse. If you want to, more power to you but I can’t be bothered. With that time I could be cooking something scrumptious.

Maybe that’s why I slightly resemble a beached whale.



Yes folks, I am a fatty boom-ba-latty.

Whatever, it is what it is and I freaking love food.

I love hamburgers and pizza. Ice cream and cookies and I love cakes and pies.

Dee-motherfuckin-lish.

In all seriousness, I don’t understand why sometimes I can’t enough food. No matter what I eat or how often I eat, it simply is not enough. Nothing hits the spot.

When I was younger, I really didn’t care that much. But now that I am getting older, I want to start looking out for my health. I want to be in shape and be healthy for my family. This is so hard to do when you are stuck with these bad habits.

I think I over eat due to many reasons, depression, stress, boredom etc. I try to control it when it gets out of hand, but it doesn’t seem to work. The food always wins. It is a comfort thing I guess.

The best part about this is, as I am writing this, talking about being healthy, I am eating chips and dip.

Ah well.

Bon appetit!